just come out here and I will go home with you...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize