This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
