I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
