Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
