Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
