I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
