i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
