I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
