I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
