It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
