i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
