proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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