my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
