the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
pray to the hookup gods
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
