babies were throwing up all over the place
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
