My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
