grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
