its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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