I CAN MOONWALK!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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