His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
