He uses pillows to masturbate.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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