After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
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