YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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