she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
