I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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