Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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