I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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