I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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