Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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