i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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