I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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