Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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