i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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