meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Randomize
