My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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