last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
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Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
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I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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