were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
