somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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