so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
