He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
