We won't sleep together?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
