She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I am one with the molecules
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize