We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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