im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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