Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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