Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
