i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize