Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
