false alarm. still invincible.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
