what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
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and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
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Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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