Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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