I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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