When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize