How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
They are going to name an STD after you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
