Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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