Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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