I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
