we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
