Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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