i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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