if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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