I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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