She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
