you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
