I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
